Well Done, America!

Having a holiday in the middle of the week can be a bit strange, especially when that holiday is the noisy, joyous occasion of our country’s declaration of birth. If you’re spending time with family cooking burgers on the grill and lighting fireworks, here are a few short tips to make sure your Independence Day doesn’t become an Independence Oh No I’m On Fire Day!

  1. Light all fireworks away from your face and other people, even people you don’t particularly like.
  2. Once you’re done grilling your burgers, douse the charcoals with water.
  3. Don’t confuse a pail of rubbing alcohol for dousing water.
  4. Make sure that all children are properly supervised when using fireworks.
  5. Make sure that you are properly supervised when you try to show the children how to properly use the fireworks.
  6. Make sure that whoever is supervising you has at least two supervisors.
  7. Cook all meat thoroughly. Lighting a firecracker inside a hamburger, while messy and exciting, is unlikely to kill all bacteria.
  8. For maximum efficiency and safety, have your barbecue at the local fire station!

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