Crime Doesn’t Pay But It Can Look Pretty Cool.

It’s been happening for months now: somebody in our building keeps stealing our daily copy of the Wall Street Journal.

We’re not legal scholars here at Marshall Creative, but we did a little research on the ol’ Wikipedia and are fairly certain that stealing somebody’s copy of the Wall Street Journal is a misdemeanor. And like anybody else, we’re going to get ticked off when we’re the victim of a crime.

However: We appreciate resourcefulness and imagination. So we might be willing to ignore all of the disrespectful theft if it was being done by charming rogues with cool gadgets. We could be okay with our WSJ getting taken if the thieves spent months planning in a shadowy warehouse and running stopwatch-timed rehearsals of the heist and never quite trusting each other. And if maybe the theft of our Wall Street Journal was important to stopping an assassination or saving somebody’s five year-old daughter from a vicious gangster. And then we catch up to the thieves and we say to them:

“It’s over. Nowhere to run. End of the line.”

But then the thieves turned the tables on us again and escaped with the Wall Street Journal after all.

Oh, and if they’re British. Like, accents-so-thick-you-need-subtitles British. British thieves are the best. We don’t know why British thieves would need our Wall Street Journal but if they did I might be inclined to hand it over myself.

But if it’s not any of that…stop stealing our newspaper, dudes.

3 Comments

  1. Chris Petlak
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    Put a fake Wall Street Journal out there over night and rig it with a stink bomb. Then when he opens up your paper the next morning…he’ll stink! It’s perfect. He stinks.

  2. Brad Dunn
    Posted August 5, 2011 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    Chris, what if it’s the business the works right next to us? Then we’ll have to smell them… As it is already, we can occasional party-style screams and yells through the walls.

  3. Posted August 5, 2011 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    Sidenote: the location of the access panel is basically totally spot-on.

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